I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
