yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
