Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
