They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
