You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
