First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
