I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
