Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
