I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
