Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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