Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
