The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
