wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
