Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
