I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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