u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
