I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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