i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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