He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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