Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
