Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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