Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
