you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
