U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
