i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
