oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
