There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
