doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
