Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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