everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
