so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
