and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
