The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
