i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
