I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
