I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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