yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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