What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
