Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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