why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
