I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
You're completely useless in the revolution.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I booty called her while she was in labor.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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