how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
