also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
