I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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