Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
and you fell through a lawn chair
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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