Non-Jews are for practice
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
