i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
