Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
