im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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