Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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