I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
