Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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