I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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