Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
